Today what i have to write

is really deep for me

Its about the two people whom i love most

who is now away

on a journey of no return

they are now

hopefully

and I'm praying that they are

in a better place

On the 6th of January 2000

My dearly beloved Grandma has been called back to the CREATOR

its is on that day that i had lost the only grandma that i had left

9 year's have past

a fast nine years

it was only as if it was yesterday

when i went to the cupboard to fetch her medicine for her

asking her which container has her med's in it

seeing her gold tooth when she speaks

seeing her walk very slowly across the hall

along the long table from 1 end to the other with her walking stick

every time i visit my grandpa's house

i would sit in the balcony and look at the rocking chair which she loves to sit in

and when i touch the chair

i would close my eyes

and remember the time when i hold when while she would sit in it

rocking the chair

But Till Date

i rarely enter my grandpa's room

(unless if urgent i need to use the toilet)

coz

i wasn't bold enough

as her smell still lingers in the room

and every time i smell it

i was weakened

my emotion barrier

shattered one by one

On the 7th of January 2008

i lost my dear cuzzin

and now its his 1 year death anniversary

and again,its a very fast 1 year

he lost his life in an accident

his a canadian raider

making his last job on his first day

at the junction of YO CHU KANG RD

an indian driver in a car was making a turn

(if you had read the newspaper,the indian man said that he made a wrong judgement and he tought that he could by pass my cousin and made pass him..ironically he is a driving instuctor AND HE MADE A JUDGEMENT.IS IT FAIR???and the worst part was he manage to get off the hook by just paying thousands of dollars and a suspension from teaching driving for 4 months..IS THAT FAIR???but who am I to judge if its fair...)

[I'M NO GOD]

def. he had turn in over the pocket

it was a green light

so my cuzzin was going at a constant speed

but when he spot the car which had turn in

it was too late

unavoidable

he rammed into the car

HARD

the inpact was so strong

that his chest hit the handle too hard

3 of his rib bones broke

and push thru

I'm not to sure if its the lungs or the heart

but shud be the lungs

when the abulance got to the scene

it was too late

there was too much internal bleeding

he passed away in the abulance itself on the way to the hospital

i'd recken that he must had a slow and painful death

the way i got the news was rather funny tough

was on my way back from work

fell asleep in the bus

apparently my mum called me

and by the time i reach my bus-stop

i woke up in time

i got off the bus

took my phone out

and saw the miss calls on my phone from my mum

since i was reaching home in a couple of min's

i told myself

WHAT THE HACK,IT CAN WAIT

when i eneter my house

i saw my mum was getting ready

OUH,SHE'S GOING OUT.SO THATS WHY SHE CALLED.TO ASK IF I BROUGHT MY KEYS

but what i had forgotten is

it half past 11

when my mum saw me

she came out of the room

walk across the hall swiftly

and hug me

she was crying

i ask why

she look up at me

and said those word which i can never erase off my mind

ZAID DAH TAKDE

translated

ZAID IS NO MORE

i was stunned

i push her away

DONT JOKE WITH ME ABOUT DEATH MUM

but now when i think

why would my mum ever said those things to me in a lie???

she hugged me again

and tears start running down my cheeks

i went into my room

change just my shirt

and the whole family was on our way in a cab to the hospital

while walking down the corridoors of the hospital

i kept telling myself that his going to be okey

and everything was just a joke on my family

i was thinking that he still there waiting to say

HAHA,I'M FINE

but when i saw one of my cuzzin outside the room crying

i knew that nothing was okey

i went into the room

and there he was

on the bed

the tube that they had use in the ambulance was still stick to his mouth

stained with blood

i saw his hand twisted

the eyebrow was also stained with blood

i walk back against the wall

i saw my aunty who was standing beside his body looking at my mum and said

AKAK,TENGOK LAH DIA,DIA TAK NAK BANGUN

translated

SIS,LOOK AT HIM,HE DOESNT WANNA WAKE UP

this story is too painful for me to think about and replay it in my mind

telling it is juz like rubbing salt on a fresh wund

but all i want to say is

i miss them both

i miss their smile

i miss talking to them again

i miss seeing them laugh

i miss the fights

i miss the hugs and kisses

i would do anything to just be with them and tell them that i'm sorry if i had doen anything wrong

and to just be with them only for a little while

i would do anything juz to look into those smiles in person

even if it was juz for a sec

I WOULD DO ANYTHING

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING

i miss them so much

life is short

treasure all those around you

and never regret a single moment living life

AL-FATEHAH

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