Life As I See It

Bye Singapore HelLO MALACCA

2011-04-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

Time Check

0554AM

I'm all set to go

It's a Holiday

And I'm off

MALACCA

WuhOO

Read up again when i'm back

Till then

Said Salehan Said

Signing OFF

The Beginning Of my Blogging Life Again

2011-04-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

To all who are reading this

HELLO AGAIN

Yet again i found myself pouring my heart out

All over the internet for those who are willing to read me out

Its been a looong time since i last let my fingers run my feelings and emotions

Last post was in 09

GOSH

Well,alot of things have happen since then

I've graduated from the Institution Of Technical Engineering

I've started too use my real name again

Said Salehan Said

I've worked for Peoples Association

I Got called for National Service

And now I'm serving it under the Police Force

To be more precise

Police Coast Guard

Along the way of my life

I've lost people whom i Love

Late Uncle Razak

Late Nadzir

Words which i write will never be able to express my feelings

The lost that I experience is took me by surprise

And all i can do is just sit and cry

Tough I know no amount of tears can ever bring you guys back into my life

I guess HIM truely loves you more then i did

(Al-Fateha)

Sometimes i just can't help but to feel Rather lonely

But i know

I still have my Family

And my Friends

To comfort me in times of needs

To share my moments

Of Happiness

Of Glory

Of Sad

Of Lost

Of Confusion

Dear God

I am ever so thankful to you

For letting me have them in my life

Shower them with all the Happiness that you can ever give

And wipe out those misery of their life

Amin

New things New Updates

2009-12-17T05:15:00.000-08:00

Hello
Its nice to type again after such a long time
This blog has been so DUSTY again
i know....i'm lazy
BUT
on the BRIGHT SIDE
I'm back here typing my stories
Telling my tale
Sharing my THOUGHTS
So
whats new with me???
FOR those whom i've not met for years or months
if you last picture of me is with short hair
THEN ITS TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE YOUR WAY TO MY FACEBOOK
GET A GOOD LOOK AT THE NEW ME
MY HAIR IS NOW COVERING MY FACE
haha
what else
ouh
i really really got to say this
i have to thank facebook
because of facebook
i am able to connect all broken strings
i've recently found a few of my primary school teachers and friends
like them or hate them
its time for me to finally grow up and put everything behind
AND
START MAKING NEW CHAPTERS IN LIFE
thru times we lost ppl whom we care or hate
good or bad
want it or not
life still goes on
I admit that lately i've been busy
.............
with work(yes i am working)
along with school(THANK GOD HOLIDAY IS HERE)
and not forgetting my lovely CCA(SOUL PERCUSSION)
............
That i have neglect to appreciate other things like old friends
and things that life has to offer
so thru this holidays i am expecting to catch up these loose ends of my life
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
My Kiddo brother will be back tomorrow
Can't wait to see his face when he sees us at the airport tomorrow
wonder if he will cry????hmmm

CalvinM is BACK!!!

2009-08-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

There is so much to tell

So many things have happen

And it has been such a long time since i BLOG

I don't even know where to begin

Well,i guess i just have to start with this...

CalvinM is back in ACTION

I'll type another time...

Read with you soon...

Things I've Learned in LIFE

2009-05-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

I've learned that we don't have to change friends,If we understand that friends change.

I've learned that something that you do in an instant, can give you heartache for life.
.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words; It may be that last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you
.
I've learned that my best friend and I , can do anything or nothing and still have a good time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.

I've learned that sometimes when i am angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experinces you've had and what you learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it may change you life forever.

I've learned that sometimes the people that you love most in life, are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts.

I've learned that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that even when you feel you have no more to give, a friend cries out and you find the strength to help.

I've learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced our lives, but we are responsible for who we become.

CalvinM BACK on BLOGGER

2009-04-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering how a blog in the internet can Collect duSt???

....AmaziNg isn'T it....

so..wHy have i nOt beeN blOgginG

i'Ll give you 3 eXcuses and you decidE for yourseLf

1.MY LAPTOP BROKE DOWN

2.I'M TO BUSY WITH THINGS

3.I JUST CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO UPDATE IT

.....AnywayS.....

my bLood is rushing hiGh

as touGh i have taKen IcE

lots of nEw fishEs sWimming in the poNd

AICARAMBA

so Besides that,Nothing interesting Is happening

Ouh Wait

mayBe there iS

the Ice block betweEn me and the soul Percussionist(My batCh)

has beeN melteD

we are boNding as we speAk

We have hang out....LATE a couPle of times

anD i must say

i miss Doing it

feelS great to do it ALL over again

but,this time,I knoW my LimiTs

no morE crossing the RED line

the Last time i Did it i almost wracKed the relationShip betWeen

ME AND MY FAMILY

but i have to admit

i Will noT havE to woRRy bout crossinG the RED line

COZ

i mixIng with the RIGHT friends

TATA FOR NOW

i'm TIRED

2009-03-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys

been busy lately

tought of updating my blog after the exams

but my grandpa had a heart-attack

his lungs is filled with phlem and water

so they had to suck it out thru a tube which lasted for two days in MICU

seeing him being like that was sad

so much pain had to endure

but now he has been transfered to a normal ward

AMIN

and is recovering

so good to hear his voice talking and laughing

tough i may not show my worriedness to my family members

deep inside

my brain was in a mess

haiz

today went to see him

his ok

but the phlen that he coughs out was a lil bloody

the doctors took it away

to "examine" it

the dogs will be telling us why is it so and so tomorrow

so thats about it....

I'M NOT DEAD.....JUZ BEEN BUSY

...

.....

.......

....

...

DEAR GOD

PLS LET NOTHING BEFALL ON MY GRANDFATHER

HIS THE ONLY GRAND PARENT I HAVE LEFT

I WANT HIM TO WITNESS MY MARRIAGE

TO SEE ME WALKING DOWN THE RED CARPET

I WANT TO SEE HIM SMILE ON MY SPECIAL DAY

IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK

AMIN

...

.....

.......

.....

...

btw

i found this interesting mail

read it.....its hilarious.

...................................CALVIN-M.........................................

1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on

2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep

3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke

4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)

5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox

6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to maintain

7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More

8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet

9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans

10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese

11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain

12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats

...............................CALVIN-M...............................

Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrow keeps you Human, Failure Keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going..... "

ACHING ME

2009-02-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

I'm aching in all places

after riding the bicyce for a long time from 1 end of east coast to the other end

to Mac and back to the Pit

and sending the bic back

OUCH

my BUTT really hurts

my knee's feels like they are gonna fall off

a sleepless night full of riding and smoking

TOUGH me and my cuzzins suffer the pain now

BUT

we had FUN

and we had LAUGHTER

so it was a no regret kinda thing

and in the morning

Taufik and Nikmat wanted to leave

but it was block due to he OCBC bike race thing

the security that the OCBC hire

really need to be tot a LESSON

so STUCK UP

alamak

PER!!!

AND THE SIGNS

it says

CARPARK CLOSE

but they never say the road was close

so Taufik and Nikmat had to wait

call the hotline they say they will send and escot but they never came

i left them for a while,go send my bicycle

come back

THEY ARE STILL THERE

wat is this???

SINGAPORE prioratise on customer service

BUT WAT THE FUCK IS OCBC DOING???

haiz

but overall we all still had fun

especially when ME,MISS ELLY,AJ,and MIRROR

went on the last bicycle ride

4 people

3 bikes

TOTAL WACK/FUN

haha

BTW

one of my friends brother was actually hospitalize

coz he had a lump on his left cheek

so lets all take a small moment

to pray for his well beings OKEY

...

.....

.......

.........

.......

.....

...

so thats it for now...till next time

14th Fe-16th Feb

2009-02-16T05:25:00.000-08:00

a COUPLE of days ago

in every CORNER of the world

the ATMOSPHERE was filled with LOVE

VALENTINE

and i have a CONFESSION to make here

i got a HEART from someone

FOR VALENTINE!!!

IF any of you guys were to see me LATELY

you would see its on my NECK

BUT

i have to get this 1 FACT stated

YES,i am in love,but NO, i'm not in a relationship

i ADMIRE that you actualli got it for me

but

i never TOUCH my love TWICE

AWWWWW

So how did i CELEBRATE my valentine???

erm

went out in the MORNING

WATCH movie

afternoon go to my GRANDPA'S house

and thats it

no FURTHER DETAILS shall be given

NENI-NENI-PU-PU

haha

how CHILDISH could i be???

OKEY

so moving ON

today i got PISSED of by my group member's

the LEADER said that he wants to present the hardest part for our PROJECT MANAGEMENT

and what i said was,WHY?

his ans,damn BLOOD-BOILING

"I want to show teacher my KNOWLEDGE"

i had enough of all this things

YES,i know you want to PROVE that your the best

go AHEAD

i dont give a damn about it

BUT

why do you want to SHOW teacher your knowledge

when u put like less then 10% of your"knowledge" into the group???

as a leader,your have certain RESPONSIBILITY and COMMITMENT

but i dont see that happening

i'm not trying to be cruel or anything

BUT ITS HARD CORE FACTS

where were you when i was doing the powerpoint SLIDES???

where where you when NADIA was editing the powerpoint slides???

where were you when NADIA was writing the scripts???

where were you when NAZMUL was compiling the video???

AND NEVER HAVE I HEARD YOU SAID

"HEY,LETS MEET TO DISCUSS (PM)

ERGH

AND YOUR FRIEND,LAGI BAGUS

OUH,i cant meet

i can MEET any days but not on --------

CANT YOU JUZ SACRIFICE 1 FUCKING DAY

just for the sake of this project???

just this 1 day

not everyweek on that day

JUST THIS 1 DAY for only 1 time

next week presentation

how prepared are you guys???

do you guys know that we are presented as a group

not as a solo PERSON

one mistake done by 1 PERSON

every member suffer.

its too late to REGRET
and i never regret mthe choices that i made in my LIFE
so i'll just have to

make do with the FACT that i have you mmm as my group members

and suffer every moment init.

I WILL NOT HESITATE TO ANS ANY QUESTION MISS LYNA SHOOTS AT US ABOUT OUR GROUP

i WILL NOT let my marks suffer just becoz some people are irresponsible.

MARK MY WORDS

ITS A WHOLE NEW ME

A WHOLE NEW SIDE

YOU MAY NEVER SEEN IT

BUT I HAVE UNLEASH IT BEFORE

AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN.

The scar still BURNS in my HEART

2009-02-09T05:58:00.000-08:00

My scar still BURNS to think of it

the words that he use BROKE the GLASS image of myself into MILLIONS of PIECES

and now i feel like an ORPHAN

"IF YOUR LIKE THIS,I WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU DEAD"

and even

"HIS SICK?WHAT DOES HE THINK I DO?GROW MONEY ON TREES?GO POLY-CLINIC"

those were the words out of his mouth

did i ask to be SICK?

I'm A BURDEN to him

yet i ask

why bring me to LIFE

why DECIDE to have another CHILD

if you only bring UNHAPPINESS to him/her

in this case,him,ME

YES

my FATHER said those words to ME

and EXPECT me to just forget whatever HE said the END of the DAY

how can a SON

forget those WORDS

i have never been so HURT in my ENTIRE life

i've been keeping this MATTER for to long in me

and its just WIDENING the SCAR DEEPER

to THINK that

a child which is a GIFT of happiness for every PARENTS

has now become a BURDEN

so why shud I talk to him if i am considered DEAD and i'm a burden??

up till DATE he has OFFERED me money twice

a tactic in WHICH i use to fall into

BY using MONEY,anyone in my family can SOFTEN my HEART so that I would FORGIVE

but as the YEARS pass

i GREW up in so many WAYS

that i took a DECISION this TIME

i will NOT forgive HIM

and when the TIME comes

I'll go without LOOKING back at what happens TO him

Call me a HEARTLESS son

but i have the right to do it

yes i am still UNDER his ROOF

yes i am still EATING his MONEY

BUT he said the words

I'm A BURDEN

WOULD RATHER HAVE ME DEAD THEN ALIVE

so dont try and get back to me

consider me dead

OLD MAN

you only have a daughter and a son

this is my confession to the whole word

as i can no longer keep it to myself

YOU ABOVE ALL SHUD KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

'WHAT GOES AROUND,COMES BACK AROUND,AND IT WILL BE WORST'

tHIS is rEAL-tHIS is mE-i'M eXACTLY wHERE i'M sUPPOSE to bE

2009-02-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

CALVINM.CALVINM.CALVIN.CALVIN.CALVINM.CALVI

If anyone were to ask WHat am i LIKE

my answer would be

i'm

SELFISH,RUTHLESS,ARROGANT,HEARTLESS,CRUEL,RETARD,

HoWeVeR

No matter how much i TRY

I just cant get RID of of the FACT

and I'M SICK and TIRED of this stupid FEELING of mine

I can NEVER get rid of this KIND heart of mine

no MATTER how much I try to be

HEARTLESS,VICIOUS,CRUEL

no matter how much I try & try to HATE somebody

i can never ever do it

I'll always go back to the thinking

Forgive and Forget

(but not for my dad fortunately..big HuHa)

i can never let people

come too close to me

my problems are for myself

i can handle it on my own without any aid of others

???WHY???

i guess its becoz of my pride and honour

BUT

whenever anyone else have problems

i juz cant leave them alone

not to dig out the problem and try to fix it

but to comfort them and to distract them from the main issue

i hate seeing a sour face on a person

i want to see people smile and live life to the fullest

and enjoy what life has to offer

THATS WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT

EITHER ENJOY WITH ME OR DONT

I DONT GIVE A F**K ABOUT YOUR CHOICE

i'm the kindda guy whom

you take me for who i am

or just forget about knowing me

WHEN YOU DONT WANT ME,BUT NEED ME...I'LL BE THERE TO STAY

WHEN YOU WANT ME,BUT DONT NEED ME...I'LL LEAVE AS THE WIND BLOWS

LoVe Me Or HaTe Me

It'S yOuR cHoIcE

CALVINM.CALVINM.CALVIN.CALVIN.CALVIN.CALVIN

I'm Blessed With Everything

2009-02-02T05:56:00.000-08:00

In My Life

I am Blessed

with

many things

My Health

My Wealth

My Family

Last but not Least

My Friends

Whatever I Want or what I Desire

i always get it

But yet somehow

i feel as tough

i dont know

somethings missing

like i havent done something that my heart desire

its like a hole deep in my heart

an empty space

haiz

HOWEVER

i have to do this

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL YOUR GIFTS

YOU GAVE ME LIFE
YOU GAVE EARTH FOR MY HOME
I AM THANKFUL FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME
KEEP MY FAMILY & FRIENDS AWAY FROM HARM
KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ALL THE MISERIES

GIVE THEM HOPE IN TIMES OF NEED

GIVE THEM THE HAPPINESS THAT THEY DESERVE

AND FORGIVE US ALL FOR WRONGS THAT WE'VE DONE

FOR OUR

Pride, Wrath, Greed, Envy, Lust, Sloth and Gluttony

SPARE US FROM YOUR WRATH

AND SPARE US FROM THE PUNISHMENT WE'RE GONNA FACE AFTER DEATH

FOR WE ARE JUST YOUR HUMBLE MORTALS

AMIN/AMEN

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

anyway

THANK YOU EQA for helping me out with my blog skin

I REALLY LOVE IT

WuHoOO

ouh....and i have my napfa test tomorrow

OMG

wonder how i'll do it

surely i'll fail everything

i am so unfit

haha

i cant believe i juz confessed that in my blog

so many people gonna read it and laugh at it

but

I DONT GIVE A S**T

about it

say wadever you wanna coz at the end of the day

i'm juz being myself

The Whole day.....What's Boring And Wat's FUN....

2009-01-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

First things first

Zaii Shikin IS Georgy Nana Farkh

i'm sorry if I have been avoiding you guys

but alot of things is happening at 1 shot right now

and @ this times i dont like to be tied down

i know ur intensions are nice and all

but face the facts

you guys are the type of friends who like to tie friends down

i feel being tied down whenever i am around you guys

in a good way

so again

MY APOLOGIES

MOVING ON

TodaY

TRAINING WAS FUN

and i dare to say this out here

and i'm not afraid

what may come next i dare to face it

coz i ask the juniors personally and i got their feedback and guess what

i was RIGHT

it was dead boring

LEADERS!!!!WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

omg

Zaii....where were you???

I WAS SO BORED LAR

even two new members left halfway coz they think it was BORING

they even ask me if they can leave

i ask all of them a question

alot of question actually

one of them is

...how many of you think its boring...

guess what

not a single person's hand was down

and the sentences the leader's are using........NOT THE RIGHT TIMING

the decipline things are not to be said on first day

COZ IT STRIKE FEAR IN THEM

thinking

omg...this is gonna be total no this no that no FUN

tough it wasnt meaningless....

but

the ice breaker i had when i first came in was better

partly thanx to AYED

AYED....WHERE ARE YOU TODAY???

WHEN PEOPLE NEED UR ENTERTAINMENT....YOUR MISSING

when people wanna be serious...you appear and joke around

back to where i was saying

after the break

LEADERS i dont know if you notice....

but

alot of them went for the break......but there is a load that never came back

i really hope that it doesnt affect the num of juniors next week

haiz

there was only 1 game

and

1 punishment for the loser

unfortunately

i dont know what that kid did

my group got the punishment

and this is the interesting part

WE HAVE TO SHAKE OUR BUTT IN THE FOLLOWING LETTERS

S.O.U.L

correct me if i am wrong eh

THANK YOU WAN.DEE

its been a while since i shake my butt

the best part is

usually i do it infront of my family or close friends

i'm doing it to people whom i dont know yet

MY GOSH

but it was fun tough

kinda

me and alicia was like....how to do S???

this way or the other way???

haha...fun fun fun

then 1 member of the group did not do with us

so he was pulled out and has to do it alone

and he was supportive

IDK wat ur name is

forgot....so sorry

but any1 who is that supportive deserve my respect(dont take advantage of it)

I REALLY REALLY PRAY THAT WHEN THE APRIL INTAKE COMES IN

IT WOULD BE BETTER

seriously

haiz

right now i only remember names and not faces

nvm

THEN

DUM DUM DUM

today i went to meet kamini

at amk hub

went to buy a ring(for myself)

Anderson and ate Mocha Almond with whip-cream and strawberry

and

WE MET ALOT OF PEOPLE WHOM WE KNOW

OMG

OUR BATCH OF STUDENTS

4 of them in total

firstly DERRICK

secondly KEN

thirdly YONG DENG

lastly GOH FU KUAN(campus superstar)

like omg lar

so many

never expected them to be there

haha

funny

kamini was making faces

and was like

OMG OMG OMG

out of all the days

cant wait till it happens again...HAHA

THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAD GIVEN TO ME

AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THE SOULS THAT HAS BEEN RETURN BACK TO YOU

ESPECIALLY MY DEAR ONE'S

AMIN

The man who can't be MOVED

2009-01-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

Going Back to the Corner

Where i first saw you

Gonna Camp in my Sleeping bag

and not GONNA move

Got some WORDS on cupboards

Got your

PICTURE in my HANDS

Saying

if you see this GIRL

can you tell her where i AM

Some try to

hand me MONEY

they dont UNDERSTAND

that i'm not BROKE

just a broken HEARTED man

i know it

makes no SENSE

what else can i DO

HOW can i move on

when i'm still in LOVE with you

Cause if one day you wake up

and find that your MISSING me

and your heart STARTS to WONDER

where on this earth i could BE

thinking maybe you'll come back

to the place where we meet

AND you'll see me WAITING for you

on the CORNER of the STREET

SO I'M NOT MOVING

I'M NOT MOVING

Policeman says Son

you can't stay HERE

i say

there's SOMEONE i'm waiting for if it's

a day

a month

a YEAR

gonna stand my ground

even if it

RAINS or SNOW

coz if she changes her MIND

this is the FIRST place she will GO

Cause if one day you wake up
and find that your MISSING me
and your heart STARTS to WONDER
where on this earth i could BE
thinking maybe you'll come back
to the place where we meet
AND you'll see me WAITING for you
on the CORNER of the STREET
SO I'M NOT MOVING
I'M NOT MOVING

SO I'M NOT MOVING

I'M NOT MOVING

PEOPLE talk about the GUY

who waited on a girl

THERE are no hole's in his SHOES

but a BIG hole in his WORLD

and maybe i'll get FAMOUS

as the man who can't be MOVED

and maybe you won't mean to

but you'll see me in the new's

AND YOU'LL COME RUNNING TO THE CORNER

cause you know its just for YOU

I'm the man who can't be moved

Cause if one day you wake up

and find that your MISSING me

and your heart STARTS to WONDER

where on this earth i could BE

thinking maybe you'll come back

to the place where we meet

AND you'll see me WAITING for you

on the CORNER of the STREET

SO I'M NOT MOVING

I'M NOT MOVING

Going Back to the Corner
Where i first saw you
Gonna Camp in my Sleeping bag
and not GONNA move

Another Update

2009-01-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

Right Now

I AM

in the hall watching

THE NANNY

on hallmark

haha

very funny

alright

i am sorry that i havent update in quite sometime

but i'm still alive and kicking

interesting facts bout me right now

i'm kinda in a mood swing

dont feel like talking to some people

staying away from some people

if your one of them

sorry

i just need time alone to think

coz my head is so so so clouded

haiz

ouhkey...erm.....

the other day some1 got me pissed off

this person

actually say that i should not choose something over my studies

the irony is

that person actually did the same thing

choosing something over studies

so i was like

WTH

who are you to talk bout me???

your no better then i am

so GET OFF MY BACK

another thing that is bothering me

some people just keep on starring at me when i walk anywhere

everywhere i go

there is not a single moment that no1 is not watching me

is there something on my face???

is my flyer open???

is my hair messy???

WHAT THE HACK ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT ME

there is is 1 person

always stare at me when i see him

and i got to find out that

well

HE HATES ME COZ HE FINDS ME GAY

well

???AM I BOTHERED???

I DONT GIVE A S**T WHAT YOU THINK OF ME

guess what...i hate you too

the funny thing is

if i disgust you

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU STARE AT ME FOR

like wat the

i hate you and yet do you see me staring at you???

PATHETIC LOW LIFE

AMATURE

wanna act tough

but deep inside

piece of BULLSHIT

i'm okey , i'm okey

chill

cool

i'm just giving my point of view

nothing wrong in doing that

i've been doing this new thing

a video blog on youtube

its kinda creepy

BUT I LUV IT

and if you hate it

again i shall repeat it

no one is forcing you to die die watch it

its

My Hands

My Mouth

My Body

My Time

My Space

My Account

so if you dont like it

then you can freaking get out

will do more of this vids

and if anyone of you is wondering what happen to my song writing

well

i'm now currently writing a new song

and when can you see it???

well

as soon as i can get a piano soon........i'll start doing everything and then you can view it

and give your comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN2DabyHlPE

LUV ME OR HATE ME
THAT IS THE QUESTION
IF YOU LUV ME THEN
THANK YOU
IF YOU HATE ME THEN
FCUK YOU!!!!

-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-

Juz A LIL Bit More

2009-01-08T07:41:00.000-08:00

WoW

Calvin Matthew

aKa

Muhammad Said Bin Hj Salehan

a few moments ago on the 8th January 2009 at 11.15

almost met with either a major injury on the head

DEATH

I'm still amaze at what had just happen to me

its a funny story actualli

i was watching the OKTO story

bout

COUNT DRACULA

if it's myth or legend

then i heard this

"thug"

sound

i look up

the ceiling fan was shaking

and i was like

ouh ouh.....what was that

is there a ghost in my room

i was spooked

so i got off the bed

SLOWLY

and walk to my door

i open it

THANK GOD IT CAN BE OPENED

so i turn and look at the fan

what was that sound and why was it swinging

and thats when i notice

the fan was juz hanging on wires

a lil bit more it would have drop on my head

and cause a major head injury or even my life

OMG

(tu pun masih tak nak berubah lagi...masyahallah budak ni)

...haha...

wOw

DEATH WAS KNOCKING ON MY DOOR

somebody is watching over me

THANK YOU

><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><

In Memories

2009-01-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

Today what i have to write

is really deep for me

Its about the two people whom i love most

who is now away

on a journey of no return

they are now

hopefully

and I'm praying that they are

in a better place

On the 6th of January 2000

My dearly beloved Grandma has been called back to the CREATOR

its is on that day that i had lost the only grandma that i had left

9 year's have past

a fast nine years

it was only as if it was yesterday

when i went to the cupboard to fetch her medicine for her

asking her which container has her med's in it

seeing her gold tooth when she speaks

seeing her walk very slowly across the hall

along the long table from 1 end to the other with her walking stick

every time i visit my grandpa's house

i would sit in the balcony and look at the rocking chair which she loves to sit in

and when i touch the chair

i would close my eyes

and remember the time when i hold when while she would sit in it

rocking the chair

But Till Date

i rarely enter my grandpa's room

(unless if urgent i need to use the toilet)

coz

i wasn't bold enough

as her smell still lingers in the room

and every time i smell it

i was weakened

my emotion barrier

shattered one by one

On the 7th of January 2008

i lost my dear cuzzin

and now its his 1 year death anniversary

and again,its a very fast 1 year

he lost his life in an accident

his a canadian raider

making his last job on his first day

at the junction of YO CHU KANG RD

an indian driver in a car was making a turn

(if you had read the newspaper,the indian man said that he made a wrong judgement and he tought that he could by pass my cousin and made pass him..ironically he is a driving instuctor AND HE MADE A JUDGEMENT.IS IT FAIR???and the worst part was he manage to get off the hook by just paying thousands of dollars and a suspension from teaching driving for 4 months..IS THAT FAIR???but who am I to judge if its fair...)

[I'M NO GOD]

def. he had turn in over the pocket

it was a green light

so my cuzzin was going at a constant speed

but when he spot the car which had turn in

it was too late

unavoidable

he rammed into the car

HARD

the inpact was so strong

that his chest hit the handle too hard

3 of his rib bones broke

and push thru

I'm not to sure if its the lungs or the heart

but shud be the lungs

when the abulance got to the scene

it was too late

there was too much internal bleeding

he passed away in the abulance itself on the way to the hospital

i'd recken that he must had a slow and painful death

the way i got the news was rather funny tough

was on my way back from work

fell asleep in the bus

apparently my mum called me

and by the time i reach my bus-stop

i woke up in time

i got off the bus

took my phone out

and saw the miss calls on my phone from my mum

since i was reaching home in a couple of min's

i told myself

WHAT THE HACK,IT CAN WAIT

when i eneter my house

i saw my mum was getting ready

OUH,SHE'S GOING OUT.SO THATS WHY SHE CALLED.TO ASK IF I BROUGHT MY KEYS

but what i had forgotten is

it half past 11

when my mum saw me

she came out of the room

walk across the hall swiftly

and hug me

she was crying

i ask why

she look up at me

and said those word which i can never erase off my mind

ZAID DAH TAKDE

translated

ZAID IS NO MORE

i was stunned

i push her away

DONT JOKE WITH ME ABOUT DEATH MUM

but now when i think

why would my mum ever said those things to me in a lie???

she hugged me again

and tears start running down my cheeks

i went into my room

change just my shirt

and the whole family was on our way in a cab to the hospital

while walking down the corridoors of the hospital

i kept telling myself that his going to be okey

and everything was just a joke on my family

i was thinking that he still there waiting to say

HAHA,I'M FINE

but when i saw one of my cuzzin outside the room crying

i knew that nothing was okey

i went into the room

and there he was

on the bed

the tube that they had use in the ambulance was still stick to his mouth

stained with blood

i saw his hand twisted

the eyebrow was also stained with blood

i walk back against the wall

i saw my aunty who was standing beside his body looking at my mum and said

AKAK,TENGOK LAH DIA,DIA TAK NAK BANGUN

translated

SIS,LOOK AT HIM,HE DOESNT WANNA WAKE UP

this story is too painful for me to think about and replay it in my mind

telling it is juz like rubbing salt on a fresh wund

but all i want to say is

i miss them both

i miss their smile

i miss talking to them again

i miss seeing them laugh

i miss the fights

i miss the hugs and kisses

i would do anything to just be with them and tell them that i'm sorry if i had doen anything wrong

and to just be with them only for a little while

i would do anything juz to look into those smiles in person

even if it was juz for a sec

I WOULD DO ANYTHING

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING

i miss them so much

life is short

treasure all those around you

and never regret a single moment living life

AL-FATEHAH

[-]-[-]-[-][-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]-[-]

Changes in my Life

2009-01-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

Eherm

Ladies and Gentleman

Goodevening Inferdals

haha

was only joking people

i am so hook up on ACHMED

peformed by Jeff Dunham

the video's can be found in youtube

erm

i know when you read my previos blog and my tags

you would think that

what the hack is this 18y/o kid trying to do

thats so amature of him

WELL

i admit that i am

u never said i was mature

i need to do what needs to be done

and once i do it i will never regret

but i dont want to focuz on that anymore

TODAY

in the morning we had to report in school

i was at the doorstep of my school

i meet Zaii in the bus

Met Naz at the bus stop

and while Zaii was waiting for me and Naz to finish smoking before entering th school

guess who we met

...

.....

.......

.........

.......

.....

...

keep on guessing

!
!!!
!!!!!
!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
!!!!!
!!!
!

keep on guessing

$
$$$
$$$$$
$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$
$$$$$
$$$
$

well i will just tell you

while smoking

I SAW ETHAN FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER THE HOLIDAYS

AND ITS

REMARKABLE

HE COLOURED HIS HAIR

pretty nice

a lil brownish

with a sparkle of red

it looks good on him

wait wait

there is another interesting part

HE CUT HIS HAIR

AND ITS NOW SHORTER THEN MINE

OMG
OMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMG
OMG

GOSH

WHAT'S HAPPENING

everyone I once knoe is now a stranger to me

its like i dont know who they are anymore

i'm the only 1 who hasnt change

but

nevertheless

bro

I am proud of you

doing something that the Teacher has ask many times for both of us to do

I was never bold enough to do it

I salute you

and moving on now

the peformance that we had today i find it a lil stiff

without the seniors

there wasnt any soul in Soul Percussion

it was like we are playing

but only the notes that we hit came out

WHERE IS THE JOY THAT I HAD EXPERIENCE BEFORE

haiz

but i guess along with the new year

comes the new changes

and its something that i shud live with

sniff

this wed is exactly one year the tragic happens

cant bear to think of it

ONE YEAR NEARLY PASS

that fast

so i'll be ending this blog with this few sentences

life is short

it has no mercy

as and when HE says time's up

IT MEANS ITS UP

you'll never know when is your last breath

or when is the last breath of a person

so treasure those around you

love always

hate less

and most of all

BE THANKFULL OF WHAT U HAVE

and never the opp

with that

GOD BLESS

/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\

What a Big HuHa

2009-01-03T01:50:00.000-08:00

HaHa

YOU WILL SO ENJOY READING THIS POST I WROTE

I AM NOW OFFICIALLY

MR!(I WILL NOT WRITE UR NAME DOWN)

my name is cool right

go down to

http://scarsinmy-heart.blogspot.com/

and read the post on

Sunday,December 21,2008l10:32pm

THATS ME

AND I AM ADMITTING IT

WITH NO REGRETS

I WAS WONDERING WHEN SHE WILL KNOW WHAT I KNOW

wat a big huha this turns out to be

but

the sad news is

i wasnt surprise that this thing is happening

i was just waiting for you to make your move

and now that you have

its my turn to move

if your sitting there waiting for me to type

ouh LILSU i'm so sorry for doing that to you please forgive me

well

FAT-HOPE,DREAM ON LILSU

and please dont put words into my mouth lil miss

i said i need time away from her until i can let go off the feelings

not i dont want to be friends with her anymore

i trusted you so much

even told you that ur like a sister to me

and yet you text her everything

that was my bad

i heard you did something to someone

and they told me not to trust you

(a lil touch on this part

you go around telling people in your class about Azie doing something

when you yourself do that something)(zaii will be wondering wat that something is...shud i tell?)

yet

i told them i will not believe anything coz no such things happens to me

and BANG

you shot me from the back

WOW

painful as it is

lucky me i recover fast

and i know what i must do next

make everyone see what i see

my intention was never to spoil your name(as if it doesnt have that foul smell yet)

nor was it to pull everyone away from your long list of friends

my motive was only to make them aware of ur true colours

coz apparently

ur a skunk

looks so innocent but farts a foul odour

and if ur wondering wat a skunk is

its an animal,black and white

the stink comes from the ASS

ouh yeah

the nobody part

if i am a nobody

then how come i'm bothering you so much that you have to bang your anger's

in blogspot

i shud be thanking you for making me so FAMOUS

the FAME and GLORY i like

and who are you to tell me indirectly that i'm a coward by not confronting

you to your face

when you yourself write things on blogspot

and not say it to my face

Your The PoSER

Your The LoSER

I'm Just a RooSTER

cooKLEdooDLEdooOO

now everyone will see your true colours after reading my blog then ur blog

or vice-versa

peace out konon....HAH....BoLeH PEe DAh

i cant wait to stare into ur eyes when i see you in CeMtA

it will be my pleasure to crush you in person

and i cant wait to tell AYU my dear cuzzin what you just did

i'm pretty sure she will have something 'NICE' to say about you to me

to be honest

i've crush down alot of my friends in secondary school

made a teacher cried

split the class into two

stare all the backstebbers into silence in sec 5

whatever i've just did

it was just a piece of cake

plain cake

so that is about it
so now i'm gonna text you LILSU to read my blog of course

(she replied: Ok i'll link yah up soon)

T_T

Then

youll have to go and read from the top

by the time you reach this part

you must have been thinking

WoW

Said is such a nice person to write such

GOOD & HONEST

review on LiLSu

You shud be thanking me for keeping quiet all the while and pretend

that you had done nothing to me

you shud have known

WHERE YOU STAND

NOT TO CROSS THE LIMIT

right now you must be so devastated to see me writing such stuff

this is only a fraction of my wrath SUTINAH

make sure you DO cross the limit again

and see my full potential

YOUR MY BEST FRIEND

BTW

congrats on your 1.7 GPA

TaTa

+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+

Another Update

2009-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

My throat is killing me

Its so F**CKING dry

the fever is getting better

But I'm not to sure if I'm getting better or worst

COZ

earlier on when i was showering

i cough up all my flam

i cough up alot of blood as well(ssssshhhhhh)

and also when i blow my nose

there was also blood

scary right

I'm still not going to the doctor

after what that OLD MAN said about me

I will never forget nor will I ever forgive him till the ends of time

but no matter what

I'm still strong

and i'll be going to school as per normal on 5th Jan

so do not worry about me

.....haiz.....

An Update

2009-01-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

JUST

FEEL THE

NEED TO SAY

THIS AGAIN TO ALL

¨°º¤ø„¸ HaPpY ¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ NeW yEaR``°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º ``°º¤ø„¸ ¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„
╔══╦══╦══╦══╗
╚═╗║╔╗║╔╗║╔╗║
╔═╝║║║║║║║╚╝║
║╔═╣║║║║║╠═╗║
║╚═╣╚╝║╚╝╠═╝║
╚══╩══╩══╩══╝

LUV YOU

ALL MY DEAR READERS

haha

Today I woke up at 6

with a major HEADACHE

so i took some

PANADOLS

and i drank vitagen

and a cold shower

my temperature has been running up and down the staircase

and now it seems that it has finally stabalize at 36.4'C

lets pray it stays that way for the rest of the day

if not

I'll suffer during Soul Training later

Ouh

BTW

SHAHRANA

Thanx for saying yes to taking the bus with me

i'm feeling so drowse

and so weak

i'll need someone to accompany me so i wont miss the bus stop

so thank you again

YOUR SUCH A GOOD FRIEND

and dont be surprise when you meet me later

BECOZ for a sick boy
i dont look sick at all

i'll cover up all the sickness with my magic

And I wonder if Zaii wants to tag along on the same bus later

hmm

got to go and eat the medcines

or else i'll be worst

!!TATA!!

Happy New YEar!!!!!

2008-12-31T05:03:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years

2009

EVERYONE

. . .

. . . . . .+. . . . . .

. . .

But too bad so sad on the first day of this hopefully Great year

my body came up with a fever of 43'C

OMG

i'm sick

and the worst part is doctor's all around are close

coz its new year

*note to body*

NEVER FALL SICK ON NEW YEAR OR ANY HOLIDAYS

Fever,dry cough/wet cough,sore throat,itchy eyes

but enough of my illness

you must be asking what did i do for countdown yesterday

well

i went to the airport to fetch my dear aunty who is coming back from pilgrimage

flight landed at 1025

she came out at 1218

OMG

the luggage took so long to come out

OMG

but its good to know that they have safely come back

so later i'm going to her house

coz she wanted a gathering as she misses us so much

(i miss her too)

and yes

IN THIS SITUATION WITH ME ILL I'M STILL GOING

see how good i am

haha

i'm giving myself too much credit

haha

ouch my body is aching

there i go again

i'm not use to falling ill

so whenever i am,i'll complain

so bear with me

tomorrow still have to go for training

SoUl PeRcUsSiOn

hopefully

by tonight this illness will get off of me

i think thats it for now

my hands are shivering terribly

i cant believe it take me 1/2 hour to write this blog

stupid hands shiver becoz of this stupid illnes bocoz i have a weak imune system

StUpId mE

NaH I dont mean what i SAID

I'M SMART

Are you thinking what i'm thinking???

2008-12-29T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hello reader's

again my apologies for not updating my blog

been busy with training and life

Talking bout life

lately I've been thinking alot

and upon viewing this 1 particular video

I came to realise something

and its about time that i should talk about this

Fate & Destiny

Two words that binds the whole meaning towards life

What are they

If we are fated to it...are we destined to do it???

or can we change our destiny and avoid whats fated???

Big question HUH

whoever unlock this mystery question must be pure braniac

its not what u can solved with your daily equations or notions

its something that u have to take time and think

look at the whole idea about it

figure out how to put things in place

and see the bigger picture to it

...

.....

.......

.....

...

If you ever know that that is the last 24hour that you have in this life

what would you do???

stay in bed and prepare yourself for the finale countdown

as for me

i will not do that

i will luv to spend my last hours with my dear ones

tough I've said that i hated every1 in my life

deeply inside

never have i regreted to meet each and everyone

through good or bad

everyone is dear to me

and i hope its vice-verse

I will spend my final hours being happy

reflecting on what has been given to me

all the good and bad memories

looking at my dear ones being happy that THIS sarcastic bastard is leaving for good

and i don't even want to see a single teardrop dripping on any ones face

i will never forgive myself if that happens

Mother

Father

Sister & Husband

Brother & Fiancee

Tok Bak

Mami Bedah & Husband

Aunty Farr & Husband

Uncle Siddik & Wife

Mak Ngah & Husband

Uncle Dik & Wife

Cik Nah & Husband

(Mak Busu & Husband)

Ayu & Erlina

Mira &Nazir

Mamat,Mr & Mrs Pearson+son

Aidah & Husband

(Daughter & sons of Mak Busu,Nisa,Hafiz)

Suhailah,Azlina & Hafizah

Rafiq,Shahita & Hafiq

Shirin & Shamin

:.:

Miss Retnam,Miss Saras,Mr Yong,Mdm Yati,Miss Siti,Miss Yoe,Miss Ho,Mrs Ess

i cant believe I'm typing this but Miss Lim(Whoa)

Mr Iszal & Mr Gana

Miss Lyna(what will ever happen to me without you)

Shikin & Rex :P

Hafiz(TGPS),Kamini,Vera,RCCR(dont be surprise your name is here),Shah,Zaii,Nazmul

Zakiah

Normista,Sarah,Syahrum,Sasha,Tessa,Nadia & Lut,

Edward Brumer,Ethan,Ah Choon, & Benny

Shikah,Shariff,Eqa,Azie,Ridhuan,Joe,Sham,and the rest of the soul members(sorry i cant name you all but too many names to remember)YOU GUYS NOE WHO YOU ALL ARE(every single member of the Soul Family)

Eustance&Ryan&Adilah,Ken,Yushi Kudo,FUN Yong,(never regret a single moment meeting you guys)

And Those Whom I hate But Still Like To See

I will never forgive myself if i go without saying sorry to you guys

AFIQ REZZA,INTAN,BRASON,YANA,HANNAH

And as for the rest of the people who knows me

well

i would still luv to see you all

You Know Who You Are

+=-=+

TadAA

That's the 'LIST' of people whom i would like to spend my last 24-hours with

Peace Out Readers

TiReD

2008-12-09T22:13:00.001-08:00

WAH

ive been like so so very tired lately

have no time to update my blogspot lately

everytime i lay infront of my lappy,i fall asleep

HOW TO UPDATE

sry ppl

But not to worry,i'm here now and i am updating

there is nothing much going on in school lately

same old same old

OUH OUH

BTW

Mubarako Bakrie to all the muslims in the world

I had a blast on hari raya haji

went to my grandfather's place

he cook nasi MINYAK(AYAM)

SYIOK

haha

and ive been eating lots and lots and lots

i think i might have put on a few more weight

must get them out of my body FAST!!!

Ouh.....and i have to say this

coz i promise i will write bout it

so i am gonna write now

That day after i pick up my cuzzy wazzy cuzzin who werks 2 blocks away from my house

then after i pick her up her friend wanted to meet up

so we took the bus two stops down to the MRT AMK

i know....2 stops only but lazy to walk ah

then the friend told us to get rokok gulong,a particular brand

so we walk round amk interchange area

we rush and search far

but could not find so we end up buying the brand TRIANGLE

HAHA

so all this while i have heard so much bout him

saw a pic of him

and then i finally get to meet him

at first sight when i saw him

FAZ

STUNNED

tall skinny

wears black top to bot

nice outfit

NICE HAIR

and recently from what i heard

A SK8TER BOY

its all a mordern bout him

i LUV his hair

spike up nicely

i can never do my hair like his

and his born in the year of the HORSE

same as yours truely

but his way way mordernize then me

his looks is like a wild kid who has took a wrong path in life

but guess wat

HIS IN RP(republic poly)

OMG

his way too cool

to be describe in words

you have to meet him in order to experience what i had

SO there you go

thats my update this time

i hope to update soon

BTW

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS IS COMING FOR ME!!!

Erm....Wha Happens Today????

2008-12-03T04:46:00.000-08:00

Today i woke up late(again as usual)

got to school and found out that the class was on break

so i like call my group(SlackerZ)

yes.....we are the slackerz of the class

haha

but i got to find out Naz never come(sick)

got to find out also edward still at home

also ethan is on the way to school

edwards car broke down....so cant drive to school(HAHA)

kk...i know i'm cruel

so i was in school all alone

I'M MR.LONELY

A.K.A EmoticoFreak/WildkinZ

haha...no link

so i was in school all alone

went to the stadium to wait for the other 2 KIDZ

while waiting look at the MINAH TUDUNGS doing the flying fox(O_O)

i know....where are they from...idk

who are they....MINAH TUDUNG is all i can say

got bored after 3 mins of watching them

so i took out my scrapbook and start composing a new song

yes....its seems that i now have a habbit of writting songs

tough i am still waiting for a friend of mine to compse the background music

once its done i wanna post my songs HERE and in youtube

AMIN

haha

wat are my songs about???

ERMM

you'll just have to wait and see

most of my songs is about what has happen to me

my life experience

feeling in love

heartbreak

HOLIDAY

haha.

so yeah...thats about it for today

ouh...had my practical phase test

the first 1 was ok..i can manage to do it with no worries

second 1 was much more easier...ans is given in a pic

so juz had to copy it

but the problem is...the F**CKING teacher was nagging coz my haor was too long

WTF

i like to have a long hair

thats y i keep it long

so juz F**K off u *****

argh....

but i'm still chill

2008-12-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

Today after school i went to see a friend of mine

she had juz lost her father on 1st of december around 7plus

i was at my aunt's place

if you had read my previous blog,you would know why i was there

when she message me at that point of time

i sat on the floor

and my heart missed a beat

i look at my sister

and my eyes started tearing up

i told my sister what i had received

she was stunned

i helped her spread the news to our friends

the first 1 was kamini

and the first thing she said was

"HUH!serious...eh dont joke eh"

is death something that i would joke about

that was what i told her

so me and kamini went to see her at her house

tough she is sad,she tried her best not to show it

she told us bout how much the death of her father was alike to her mother's

her mother pass away on the 10 of december (many years ago)

and her dad pass away 1st of december 2008

her mother pass away 1 week before hari raya aidilfitri

and her dad pass away hari raya haji

when she told me those words

i could hear her tone

full of sadness

her eyes stared down to the floor filled with tears

but she hold it back

me and kamini look at her

deep in me i wanted to cry out and let those tears of mine run down my cheecks

but like i always tell myself

i have to be strong for them

so we chatted about other stuff to drag her mind off things

and then when richard(joker) and yushi(as ever dump but funny) came

it became more joyful

tough i know that Zack(zakiah) was feeling dam low and sad

she was strong to not show anything

and when we told her that we were leaving

i told her,after kamini said it

"if you ever need anything,pls do text either myself or kamini and we will try to aid u

as much as we can"

tough its nothing much

i hope she knows that we are there for her

and again,for the 7th time this year

i learn that life is fragile and never ever think that life is forever

life on earth is only a short period of time that god had given to us

and at any point of time,he can take it back

Zack,we all luv you

I tried so Hard

2008-12-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

I juz came back from the airport

I went to sent my aunt off as she was going to the holly land

Earlier in the day

after school i went straight to my aunt's place

chatted with her daughter,my cousin

who was with her son(Ryan Harris)

She told me how sad she is gonna be

after losing her youngest brother

my cousin who moved on to the after-life after meeting withan accident

a bike accident early 2008

and now that her mum is gonna leave for 1 month

she told me that she dont know how to react to it

I told her that its gonna be only for a month and that everything will be back to normal after

But i guess actions is bigger then words

tough i have felt being left by my mum when she went to the holly land

i still had my siblings and my grandpa and my sweet aunty to take care of me

but i will never know how much it is to loose a blood

as i sat by her,i saw her eyes wondering off

looking at my aunty who was napping on the praying matt

Thats when i told yself that I had to be strong for them

so that i could lend my shoulders to them to shed their tears

At the airport

we took pictures together with my aunty and uncle who was going off

tough at first part it seems to be some what like a cheerful event

the tears starts to fall as soon as they bid their farewells

as i hug my aunty

my eyes started to filled with tears

but for the sake of her son and daughter

my beloved cousins

i keep on telling myself that i had to be strong for them

so i pulled myself away and look around to fade the tears away from my eyes

as my aunty and my uncle went thru the first gate

all of us tried to wave goodbye,but only the tall ones were able to see

fortunatey i was tall enough to see then walk off and disappear

i turn to look at my cousin

not to my surprise

both were crying

the most touching part was

Ryan Harris

the 1 year old kid's eyes started to turn redish and was filled with tears

as tough he knows that his grandma and grandpa was goona leave

after we got away from the crowd

i walk to my cousin and rub her back

Still trying to be strong and not shedding any tears

i told her

"Everything will be just fine"

tough the words meant nothing much

it was short and simple

and she knew what i was trying to say and simply smile back and me

and said

"I'll be just fine"

on our way back in the bus

when the driver dimmed down the light

it was a nice apportunity for me to take a quick nap

i lay back comfartably

and switch on my ipod

and guess what

the song which suits the situation burst out

"I hate this part-Pussycat Dolls"

i knew it was safe for me then as no one would be able to see me cry

so i let it all out quietly

I tried so hard to be strong for them

but i guess i can never be that strong afterall

and now i am still thinking of what to text them tomorrow

to tell them that they have me if ever find themselves lonely

Movie Review:Madagascar Escape 2 Africa

2008-11-15T23:09:00.000-08:00

Continue from where it last was, Alex and his friends were leaving Madagascar on a plane which the penguin has built,set for New York.Unfortunately,the plane ran out of fuel,plane crashes on Africa,the birth place of Alex.He met his father,the alpha lion, and was happy.He told his dad that he was the KING of New York City,his father misunderstood it and Poof...one hack of a story after they put him to the test where he has to pass or else he will be in exile.At the battle,alex dances and dance until he got hit,thats when he knew it was a physical battle and not a dance off.His father lost his position as the alpha lion as he could not bare to put his son into exile.Marty the zebra on the other hand was happy at first to see other zebra's like him,until he finds out that his not the special 1.Whatever he could do...the rest of teh zebra's could.Even Alex could not tell his friend apart from the herd.Gloria the hippo was happy to find a hot male hippo named MOTO MOTO.But later she finds out that there is nothing special bout this hippo.Instead she finds out the she had a friend who luvs her much more then anything else,Melman the giraffe.In the end..........You'll juz have to find out by watching the movie urself...i dont wanna blow the finale........So if i were to rate the movie........4 popcorn out of 5..........its a funny show u must watch.....

Its been a Long time

2008-11-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since i come here and blog

There is so much that has happen to me,so much to tell in 1 page,but i guess ill juz have to skip to the part whereby i juz say,

I'm still alive and kicking the shit out of my parents

But i still luv them

I've now graduate from my high-school

tough with not a good points

but enough for me to eneter Institutaion of Technology Education

Collage East(Simei)

I'm happy here,made new friends/enemies

Had crushes

so on and so forth

Join in a new Co-corriculan activity

Soul Percussion

Stuck to the habit of smoking

On average

I'm fine

What else can i say

From my previous blog entry

I'd mention bout my friends either they will forget me or remember me

Surprise!

They actually remember me

and we still meet each other during our FREE time

So thats bout it

In short

The long story will come around in bitz So if You want to find out more

you can either add me up at my hotmail

lovehurts_said@hotmail.com

SIMPLY

Keep on reading my BLOG!!

Till them..Your truely

EmoticoFreak/WildkinZ

Calvin Matthew

Its all about me NOW

2007-11-13T06:22:00.000-08:00

Even in my heart I seeYou're not being true to meDeep within my soul I feelNothing's like it used to beSometimes I wish I could Turn back timeImpossible as it may seemBut I wish I could so bad

I live my life the wayTo keep you coming back to meEverything I do is for youSo what is it that you can't see

I should have known from the start...what ur like......QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART

I couldnt give a damn what you say to meI dont really care what you think of meCause either way you're gonna think what you believeThere's nothing you could say that would hurt me

I'm better off without you anywayI thought it would be hard but I'm okI dont need you if youre gonna be that wayCause with me it's all or nothing

I'm sick of it YOU dont denyYou're a waste of timeI'm sick of it YOU Don't ask why

I Hate you nowSo go away from meYou're goneSo longI can do betterI found myself againThats whyGoodbye

Intro Myself

2007-11-13T03:51:00.000-08:00

This is Calvin Matthew....Its not my real name...but its a name that i like...ppl can call me Cal,Calvin,Matt,Mathhew.....or simply Calvin Matthew.....

For the past few months...I have been busy studying for long hours in the night.Well that is simply because iI was sitting for my O-Level examination.....Now that its over...Wat a relief.......And now i am looking foword to my my final days with so called 'FRIENDS'.After which if they still remember me....we shall meet again if i am invited...If not,then on the 19th shall be our parting.........

Over the past few years...I've been thru lots....I started growing out of the shell,but today it seems that I have still achieve nothing at all....I go out with my classmates...i've talk to them......But i wonder...what is the real defination of 'FRIENDS'.........Up to now...that word has no meaning in my dictionary...What are they for?

YueLing,Elsie,MunYing,YokeHoon,Wanling,HanKee,Vera,Kamini,Zakiah,LiYing,SuanHui,
WeeLing,Mista,YiMei,DeeDee,XiaoJing,JinJin,YuenChung,Brason,Gin,Jelessa,Joan,YeeLing,
ShuJun,YingHui,Richard,KenLow,FunYong,Yushi.......I can name them all......But who are they to me?What am I to them?Will they remember me whenever there is a party?Will I be invited?All this question running thru my head.......It makes me wonder......Have I change thru the years at all?Or onli I think I have but i am still the anti-social me?

Well...One thing Will always be sure....I will not let myself be hurt again by teh word friendship...I have been let down One too many times......